What do they say? When times get tough, it’s gallows humor that comes to the rescue?

Taking that frame of reference, a reader sent me a note this afternoon from an Allied Pilots’ Association missive. (The APA represents the pilots at American Airlines.)

According to internal moles at the APA, Chairman and CEO Gerard Arpey chose not to fly on an American Airlines’ aircraft when he recently traveled to San Juan.  (Yes, the trip was for business, not leisure.)

Frankly, I personally don’t care what kind of aircraft Gerard flies on — but I had to tell you that piece of background information to get you to the punch line.

And now we’re here.

Here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Gerard Arpey Does Not Fly On American Airlines — thanks to the guys and gals at the Allied Pilots Association.

10. He refuses to fly on an airline that no longer offers peanuts.

9. Fearful he would be ejected in-flight by an angry mob of inconvenienced passengers.

8. Fearful he would be ejected in-flight by an angry mob of betrayed employees.

7. Fearful he would be ejected in-flight because his shoddy maintenance program results in a gaping fuselage hole.

6. Unlike any other passenger on American, he needs to arrive on time.

5. He refuses to pay the $15 bag fee.

4. On a private jet, he doesn’t have to bring a “food taster.”

3. AA employees have placed him on the “no fly” list.

2. He’s implementing a new marketing logo: “American Airlines — Service SO Bad, Even the CEO Won’t Fly With Us!”

(Editor’s Note: My choice would be, “American Airlines, We Know Why You Don’t Want to Fly!”

1. He isn’t worth the fuel it would cost to fly him there.

Oh my.

I like number 4, 5, 3, and 6 the best.

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